Whatever you read on this site know that our greatest desire is to commence a path of reconciliation between ourselves and South Calgary Community Church. Although a recent attempt to explore the building of a bridge between both parties went rather badly we are not discouraged. We hope you will join us in prayer to seek the right opportunity. As we do for all disputes that arise from legitimate concerns of spiritual and emotional abuse in church life.
Workplace Bullying 'Epidemic' Worse Than Sexual Harassment
By Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Staff Writer
posted: 08 March 2008 08:15 am ET. And from this site and a multitude of other sites dealing with church abuse we know the church environment is not immune to many forms of bullying. When the heck will courageous Christians take action to stop it? What precedures, policies and safeguards need to be in place to fairly protect the victims? Which Canadian church will be the first to implement a zero tolerance to bullying and policies to back it up?
Finally a great definition of spiritual abuse from Wikipedia!
Also two new sites of relevance in our search for open debate on abuse in the church. Both well worth a visit for you to form your own intelligent opinion about their content and worth:
Bullies In The Church by Melissa Miller
“Lead a life worthy of your calling,” Paul writes in Ephesians. “With humility, gentleness and patience, bear with one another in love” (paraphrased Ephesians 4:1–2). In the church, we often see people demonstrate these qualities promoted by Paul.
We see people “take the high road” in church decision-making and conflicts, and we’re inspired to follow, to act like Christians.
There are other times, however, when it seems we’ve forgotten the basics of good manners, let alone the Christian values of humility, patience, and forbearance. Sometimes we see bullying in the church, and we’re puzzled and discouraged. Perhaps you’ve witnessed these kinds of behaviours – browbeating language, threats to leave the church or to withhold funds, disparaging gossip or destructive emails, or the use of the pulpit to berate, humiliate, or chastise others.
How does it happen that Christians, followers of Jesus who taught and modelled respect, compassion, and self-giving love, act like bullies? How does it happen that Christians become tongue-tied bystanders seemingly powerless to confront such bullying? Most importantly, how can Christians stop bullying in churches? (A question the editors on this site ask many times! We are in the process of trying to construct a policy to help)
Winnipeg Free Press Article - Spiritual Abuse Sun Jan 27 2008
Doctoral student inviting Christians to tell their stories -by Brenda Suderman. Great article on Barb Orlowski's study. "Characterizing what happened to her as spiritual abuse, Orlowski is researching the experiences of others who have felt pushed out of their congregations by authoritarian church leaders, and their journeys to find another spiritual home"
From Barb Orlowski - on the survey for her doctoral study "This is a final request for those who still might like to participate. People have been busy before Christmas but now may have time to contribute. It is an opportunity to add one’s voice to this issue." More details further down this page. Barb has had over 60 surveys completed to date. Now is your chance to turn your abusive experience into one that will help others in the future so that we might understand how spiritual abuse could be possible in church life. Study details here.
HERE IS LIFE AFTER AN ABUSIVE CHURCH - so says Adam Harbinson on his blog site http://savageshepherds.blogspot.com/ (and we say the same!) Details of Adam's inspiring book 'Savage Shepherds' are further down this page. We have read it and highly reccomend it! Join in the debate on Adams site. We would love to hear from you too. Your emails will only be published at your request and with your approval.
Just a quick word on forgiveness. We know we have struggled with this topic over the past 4 years for those that we believe abused and shunned us. Have debated and discussed it with good mature Christian friends and pastors. So often it becomes another bit of christianize that is hard to relate to current times or specifically our problem and how to solve it. So often we hear Corrie ten Boom's story quoted yet not with the full account or context. By what we regard as some form of miracle we came across a new book by Annette Stanwick: Forgiveness - The Mystery and the Miracle. Annette who is a Calgary author, speaker and health care executive describes how she as a Christian had to forgive the men who murdered her brother. She describes a process that she went through and which is highly applicable to many others. If you are struggling with this topic and are tired of simplistic answers this book is a must! The way in which the book uses very public Victim Impact Statements as part of the forgiveness process certainly has appeal as a tool for victims of spiritual abuse to use.
Three quick updates:
The first is a request from Barb Orlowski. a Doctor of Ministry program at A.C.T.S. Seminaries in Langley, B.C., Canada.who is conducting the research necessary to complete her dissertation on spiritual abuse, she is conducting a survey among Christians who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress under authoritarian and controlling church leaders and have recovered from this experience.Full details available here. Barb is also looking for pastors who might have helped in counseling those subject to spiritual abuse but we cannot think of any rather we know of individual Christian counsellors who have helped. If you can help in any way please contact Barb. Update note 7th Jan 2008 - over 60 surveys have been received to date but you still have a chance to send in yours. Praise God for all those who have had the courage to revisit a difficult stage in their lives.
In our excitement to see a Christian institution willing to allow this kind of research we had forgotten all the pioneering and greatly inspiring work done by academics Clive and Cara Beed in Australia. They have a new book out breaking ground in a new area of Christian economics.
Just got this note on Barb's topic from a friend who is an ex youth pastor:
"I just got back from a meeting with two of the current leaders of a local Christian youth group and have listened while they told me about some of the challenges that they are facing in that ministry. The thought that kept going through my mind as they shared was, Nothing has changed, and I'm beginning to believe that nothing CAN change. It's the same old story that is happening far too often in churches and Christian organizations in our day greed, power, control and personal entitlements occupy the underlying agendas of what masquerades as ministry. For myself I have chosen to opt out of the system - to make my own way financially and find avenues for ministry that suit me and don't put me in subordinate relationships with abusive, self-seeking leadership. I applaud Barb for her choice of research and have some faint hope that it will bring to light what I believe is one of the most destructive forces at work in the church today - spiritual abuse. While she's at it she might explore how the seminaries have contributed to some of the warped perspectives on pastoral power and authority that have developed over the past few decades"
Second is about an Irishman, Adam Harbinson who has suffered spiritual abuse like so many of us but has had the strength to write about it in Savage Shepherds . Please make sure you watch the short video explaining the background to the book. We just got our copy from Adam and are excited by what we have read so far. Will comment more shortly. Raises many questions about the 'shepherding' movement and its link to so many of the abusive leadership models we are seeing today. This is a must read book if you want to be fully informed.
Third is a recent article we saw in the Costco magazine by Arnold Sanow on how to deal with bullies. Seemed to us the bullies can be anywhere even within the walls of the church. Numerous case are given on this and many other web sites. Here is the article and two more by Arnold on the same topics:
• 8 Ways to Handle Bullies at Work
• 5 Ways to Deal with Backstabbers
• Rudeness and Bullying at Work Hurt Bottom Line
If you need a reason for this site and the injustice, abuse and authoritarian rule allowed in the church read this short passage and let it be an inspiration for you to be part of a change that will rid this evil from our faith:
From the Eulogy for Robert F. Kennedy by his brother Edward
"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change."
Hear the full message at www.youtube.com
A special blessing to all our readers from the many corners of the world. You have likely arrived here because you were searching for web sites dealing with spiritual abuse, undue authoritarian control or even sexual abuse in the Christian church. The kind of abuse that Jesus condemned in the strongest way. "God plainly hates it - probably more than any other sin" Quote by John White in the book Toxic Churches by Marc Dupont. Need to understand the relationship between the responsibllity of church leaders and spiritual abuse? Try reading Ron Henzel's wonderful piece on Ezekiel 34 and the need to make church leaders accountable! If you only read one article on this site...this is the one! Is your church abuse proofed? If not and there is a current problem of spiritual abuse in your church and you need help please make contact for advice. In the Calgary region we will consider involvement if all parties are willing to accept a mediated or arbitrated settlement. Email us if we can help.
This site has two purposes - one to present case studies of people severely and unfairly abused at South Calgary Community Church and secondly to provide resources for those wrestling with this terrible blight on many churches and even more importantly on the wonderful hope that Christ gave us all. Let there be no doubt all the parties who were abused seek reconciliation with South Calgary Community Church. An offer written to South Calgary Community Church Leaders in 2005 remains open even though a very negative reply was received . Please read what was written. We call on all Christian leaders in the Calgary region to help bring the parties together for reasonable discussion.
We are concerned that despite the resignation of Pastor Wallace we see yet another youth pastor move on - we have almost lost count of how many youth pastors have left. Perhaps its a reflection of there being no new blood in the elder board rather we just see a continual process of bringing back those that served before, and in our opinion not that effectively either - just a repeat of the old style authoritarian rule. Its also we believe a reflection of a congregation that has lost anybody with independent critical thinking skills to stand for election to the elder board.
As Marc Dupont points out in Toxic Churches often the victim is the pastor or minister who is targeted. Read this recent story of such a pastor who experienced abuse in a United Church.in the Calgary Sun. You will appreciate the title of the Sun article when you go to Rev Bruce Sheasby's web page for his recently started new church just south of Calgary. How sad that the church cannot solve problems like this and victims have to resort to legal proceeedings to get a fair hearing. Very sad but we understand.
CBC Radio has also reported on the scenerio of abused church leaders. One minister interviewed suggested 40 % of churches suffer abuse problems. The program follows on from a conference on the topic in Winnipeg. Download the sound archive - you will need Real Player. Our only comment is that we report elsewhere on this site that even abusive church leaders will often claim they are victims. All the facts need carefull review and consideration although a suggestion that 40 % of churches are suffering makes one wonder why the church has to have CBC air the problem. Surely has it not got to a stage where denominations need to show responsibility and work together to investigate this blight and how it might be cured? Covering it up shows poor leadership and loses any credibility the churches ever had.
If you have access to Canadian channels look for "The Good Father" program 29th April on CBC at 7:00pm ET. Will give you an idea of how far a church organisation will go to hide abuse happening in their midst and how congregations neglect to raise any concerns; and when church leaders are caught protecting and 'hiding' abusers they show no obvious signs of genuine remorse - its all about cover up and protecting reputations. Make sure you add your comments to the blog site. Also rember many reputable Christian leaders agree spiritual abuse is just as harmful as sexual abuse in the long term impact on victims. Are you a 'watcher' of abuse but not willing to act? Although the comment input page is closed it has some valuable insights from viewers. Click to go there We applaud CBC for tackling these tough issues. When will over media step in?
Also are there any emotionally secure Christians in the Calgary region interested in joining a regular discussion group to try to come up with policies to deal with the issue of abuse and bullying in every part of our community whether it be at school, the community, work or in the church? We would like as diverse a group as possible but certainly with a strong Christian representation. Please email us if interested.. A recent visitor to the site from the UK has noted it would be wonderful for us to connect interested Christians across the world to start a discussion group in your region today. A "grass roots" Christian movement that could make great changes outside of the hold of established rellgion. Just email us and we will do our best to connect you! It ties in with another email from the USA yesterday telling of the frustation of getting anybody to listen to their abuse by church leaders. Individually its tough to make a difference but collectively we can make huge differences and win back so many hurt by fellow Christians. Wonderful how the Spirit moves in so many places! Bless all that write us whether you agree with us or not!
In the last few weeks we have received notifications that two pastors involved in our sad demise at South Calgary Community Church have applied for positions in American churches. One in the Boston area and one in the Corpus Christi. We have only been able to verify one of those 'sitings' so far - Pastor Kent Blanton in Chorpus Christi. It seemed a simple web search on the applicant's name brought them to this site. More and more a thorough scrutiny of a politician or public servants background is becoming available through the web. Should a church leader be any less open to a full public scrutiny? Indeed the authors of this site willingly open themselves to public scrutiny and comment. While we hope the best for these pastors and their family members we also believe there is unfinished business in their relationship to people mentioned on this site. We ask our visitors to comment what does this say about disclosure in the Christian world of any questionable issues in our past. Is it ok if you're applying for a Christian job position and you're not caught? Is it ok if elders suppress information like you see on web sites like this so that church members are kept in the dark? Are church members web savvy enough like the few in Corpus Christi to search job applicants on line? What are the ethical issues from a Christian perspective? Should leaders be implementing a full 360 review as recommended by respected Willow Creek senior pastor Bill Hybels? 360 reviews are now commonplace for senior managers in industry and commerce. Should such reviews be available to a future employers as a more accurate indication of a person's weaknesses and strengths?
A special welcome to any visitors from Brighton Park Baptist Church in Corpus Christi. We know that many of you are very familiar with a word used a lot on this site - excommunication-having experienced yourselves very painfully. We understand a worship pastor mentioned on this site, Pastor Kent Blanton from South Calgary Community Church in Calgary has just been interviewed at your church for an open position. It is our understanding that in the course of the interview the pastor has made certain allegations against Barry & Jennifer Pendergast in an attempt to deflect questions about his own part in the serious abuse of the couple and others at South Calgary Community Church. Be assured those allegations are taken seriously and we will not be part of any game of deceit or lies or discussions behind closed doors. Our point of view will be made in public based on truth and facts not innuendo and distortion of known facts and events. We believe God detests this form of deception as much as any sin especially when committed by professing Christians, and even more so by Christian leaders like Pastor Blanton. We continue to pray that those that lie and deceive will be challenged. Click for more information and our thoughts on this move
NEW -Conference of the Lambs - June 15-16, 2007, Northside Baptist Church, Charlotte, NC.
Topics
• Schizophrenic Christianity: How abusive leaders create abusive churches and abusive dynasties
• Coming out of legalism and finding the grace of God and freedom in Christ
• How to be a Christian survivor of church abuse: dealing with the fear of going to church without hurting yourself or others
• Good News! Re-learning the Gospel of Jesus Christ: all the truths you never heard in an abusive church
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If you have access to Canadian channels look for "The Good Father" program tonight on CBC. Will also be aired on other upcoming days. Will give you an idea of how far a church organisation will go to hide abuse happening in their midst and how congregations neglect to raise any concerns; and when church leaders are caught protecting and 'hiding' abusers they show no obvious signs of genuine remorse - its all about cover up and protecting reputations. Further details on the ongoing CBC blog site.
Hopefully we can provide some answers through personal experience and links to other sites dealing with these topics. If you do not attend a church or have become disillusioned by events in your past church activities it is our prayer you will not give up trying to find a safe haven to honor God with your gifts and place Him above everything else in your life. We especially pray for those in ministry or leadership positions who have fallen victim to those that abuse power.
Are you undergoing the same kind of cruel acts of complicity as those on this site who suffered at the hands of Rev Ron Berg, the past Executive Director of the North American Baptist Conference, their Representative in Alberta Rev Bob Walthers, South Calgary Pastors Rev Jim Wallace, Rev Marg Cumberlin, Rev Kent Blanton, Elders Chaired by Kevin Phillips and South Calgary Community Church members. The part played by Elder Craig Edwards as the spokesman between the elders and the mediator also poses a number of questions as to the sincerity of the elder's intentions. The mediator was confident the elders were sincere in their statements to find a God honoring reconciliation yet their every action said otherwise. The result was to prevent a fair (or any!)hearings by the Pendergasts, Jim Grady and others against the abuse they suffered. We know of at least three women who ended up in hospital as a result of abuse by pastors and elders at South Calgary. It frankly makes you wonder just how much abuse goes on worldwide to protect and cover up abusive leaders! Certainly the evidence available to public scutiny (mostly available on this site) suggests a high level of corruption and collusion by people who should know and act better. People who employed the worst form of bullying. In a Christian church you say! Even more worrying is that most of these people still hold a position of spiritual authority, power and control over others.
Why did the elders sabotage a perfectly good mediation process with a respected Christian mediator? The elders refused to allow the mediator to have the power to find a God honoring solution. See the memo the Pendergasts wrote to place complete faith in the mediator's skill to find a solution. Why did the elders refuse this approach? Were they frightened of the outcome?
As author Dee Ann Miller says " Standing up to abuse can be a lonely, unpopular task.ESPECIALLY if the perpetrator is an honored member of the clergy. Widespread collusion makes the world feel cold, lonely, and incredibly crazy. TAKE COURAGE! .... you are NOT alone."
We hope our resources on the site will provide you valuable insights in how to cope better in your current situation. We even hope some wise and mature leaders will be prompted to implement a fair hearing process before any accusation of guilt is made. We welcome your comments, input or suggested corrections to any statements given anywhere on this site. Any correspondence will be kept confidential unless permission is given to allow posting on the site in the "your comments" section. Comments that are critical of the positions taken on this site are welcome especially where they offer sound scriptual evidence. Write to us at bleatinglambs@shaw.ca
Inspite of the overwhelming odds it is our hope and prayer is that we will find reconciliation with South Calgary Community Church and North American Baptist Conference in the coming year - please join us in prayer for that. We are encouraged that the church has a new pastor - Rev. George Ridley. We hope this will herald a new mood to deal with unfinished business between South Calgary Community Church and ourselves. Please pray for a solution that will bring only glory to God.
He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate itâ?? (Martin Luther King).
"The world is a dangerous place to live in not because of the people who do evil, but because of the people who sit and it let it happen" - Albert Einstein
NEW - Speaking of all those that remain passive and just sit and watch evil happen in Christ's church here's one of many examples. Where was the accountability?: COMING SOON:
THE GOOD FATHER
Wednesday February 28 & March 2nd at 9pm & midnight on CBC-TV
For four decades, Father Charles Sylvestre tended a number of Catholic parishes in southwestern Ontario. He had committed his life to serving God on earth. But, during that time, Father Sylvestre had a secret - he sexually molested little girls between the ages of  7 and 12 and, for years, he got away with it because the church kept silent, protecting the priest and its own public image. Why should we be surprised anymore?
Visit the CBC Blog site on this program - moving to hear from victims and Catholics who are all deeply disturbed by the way the Catholic church has handled these problems. Its amazing tht nobody has asked for an independant investigation to link all the cases together. The very fragamented nature of the organisation makes its virtually impossibel to get a complete picture.
Blog site well worth reading 'bruised reed' Has useful observations that accurately define the sins of the sheep in dysfunctional flocks where abuse happens. We also like the opening passage that refers to an article by Steve Martin "We cannot accept the idea of throwing up our hands and saying "there is nothing that can be done." God, in His perfect timing, will make all things right". How often we hear this excuse to avoid holding abusers accountable for their actions.
Great new resource site http://www.spirituallysafe.com/ Caught in a spiritually abusive situation? Read the "What Can I Do? section. Lots of sound advice on how to apply biblical principals but if that fails (and it usually will) then perhaps the best course is to walk away. Know that the people noted in bleatinglambs.org felt led by God not to do that even though it resulted in the most painful experience in their lives.
-From Kathy Krajco "What makes a Narcissists Tick Blog Page" We are reminded of the smear tacktics of the abuser "His victims may appear to be vindictive in any attempts to disprove his allegations. His recruits see him as the injured party, pitiful and in need of help. Sadly, the abuser will often escalate his smear campaign and the victim becomes subjected to a multi-focused attack. The deceived and gullible recruits take up his cause and work as his ally to attack on his behalf. An abuser willprotect himself, as his naive and gullible recruits willingly do his dirty work." Oh how that sounds like South Calgary Community Church to the Pendergasts, the shunning, the stalking......even recently a long time member of SCCC and somebody close to Jim Wallace told a mutual colleague "you can't believe what things the Pendergasts did to get pushed out".....If that person and others who have done the same have evidence that justifies the two harsh excommunications of the Pendergasts then we ask they share the evidence with our readers. If firm evidence does not exist then stop the smearing and join in an effort of reconcilation; strange the elders admitted they had no reasonable cause except for one confidential email sent to elder Denise Chaulk ...an email which more and more was bang on target. The Pendergasts still believe the truth shall set us all free and will patiently wait ....It's hoped a major figure in the Calgary Christian community will feel the calling to get involved and help close the huge gap between the Pendergasts and all at South Calgary. There is no problem that God cannot heal when those who come to Him prepared in prayer for active reconciliation.
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NEW - article on The Signs Of Spiritual Abuse By Steven Lambert, ThD - now on our resource page. Here is an excerpt "The proper role of human under-shepherds is to lead people to the Great Shepherd, Jesus Christ, and teach them how to be His disciples, in submission to Him and His authority. Hyper-authoritarian leaders, instead, lead people to themselves, and indoctrinate them to be their followers, in total submission to them and their authority"
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-Province of Alberta reaches out to youth struggling with bullying
A new campaign and helpline are making it easier for youth to stand up and stop bullying
Bullying can stop within 10 seconds when someone steps in
It is important for youth to understand how to properly intervene in a bullying situation. Below are some tips on how to safely take action:
• Speak up. Tell the bully that their behaviour is unacceptable and that you won't get involved. You have an opinion too, and it matters more than you think.
• Encourage bystanders to get involved as a group. Band together and walk away. Bullies like an audience. If you’re standing around watching then you’re contributing to the problem and not the solution.
• Help the person being bullied. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn’t you want someone to help you if you were being picked on?
• Don’t fight the bully. It's not safe, and it’ll just fuel the fire.
• Ask someone for help. If the situation escalates, don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust for help. Keep asking until you get the help you need.
Additional information about bullying prevention and intervention can be found on www.B-Free.ca. Stand Up and Stop Bullying campaign materials can be viewed online at www.bullyfreealberta.ca.
Could churches adopt this approach? Wouldn't that be revolutionary!
We were moved by these words just found on the Holocaust memorial at the Alberta Legislature in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. The words seem to sum up a major reason for this website. We hope many who see evil taking place in the church environment will not just stand by and do nothing. Please reflect on these three messages. Turning a blind eye is not an option - Jesus never did when he saw evil taking place. As you reflect we pray you will find courage to do what is right:
"The world is a dangerous place to live in not because of the people who do evil, but because of the people who sit and it let it happen"
Albert Einstein
"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever hunan beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the tormentor".
Elie Wiesel, survivor, poet and Nobel Peace Recipient
"First they came for the communists, but I did not speak up because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the union leaders, but I did not speak up because I was not a union leader.
Then they came for the jews, but I did not speak up because I was not a jew
Then they came for me and there was no one else left to speak up for me".
Pastor Martin Niemoller - Lutheran Minister
Lastly Oswald Chambers said, "God did not give us the spirit of discernment to criticize, but, to intercede."
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Sadly in the 14 months this web site has been on line and even though there have been over 35,000 visits to pages there has not been one email, phone call or any form of message that the established church sees spiritual abuse as a major problem. Not one suggestion on how to solve this kind of abuse. Kind of a sad reflection of how poorly Christians translate the Bible into any meaningful way to run their lives. The established church only seems happy when they can find fault with the non-Christian world. Responsibility to lead by high moral standards based on scripture seems so often absent. Its little wonder the church is losing Christians who started out with so much enthusiasm and passion in their beliefs. We have heard from many in this category! We still hope to hear from church leaders who agree there is a problem and are willing to openly discuss it and deal with it.
All we are looking for is one church, somewhere, who will post a sign at their front door that says there will be NO abuse of any kind tolerated beyond this point The sign and a process would be in place to deal with any abuse that might happen. Hopefully the example of one church will lead to others. That is our prayer and hope. This web site will gladly donate such a sign. If you have such a sign already please send us a photo.
This site started with the severe spiritual and emotional abuse by authoritarian leaders of a faithful and passionate Christian couple - Barry & Jennifer Pendergast who had attended South West Calgary Community Church for nine years.
When they tried to question the unethical behavior of the senior pastor, his wife and church elders they were brutally treated, shunned and excommunicated. While a mediator had their membership restored they were again treated with abuse and excommunicated a second time. They would later find out their treatment was based on a deliberate conspiracy to protect the senior pastor from needed discipline and correction. They would find many others had been equally abused in secrecy at the same church, including staff members. Attempts to reconcile were and continue to be rebuffed. These pages evolved as the couple processed the pain of their grief and as they tried to find solutions for themselves and thousands of others caught in the terrifying spiral of abuse by insecure leaders who place themselves above God.
Two publications have been brave enough to write stories about this sad situation - Western Standard and Christian Week. - both Candian publications. We believe both articles reflect fairly most parts of the story. Its is hoped others will be equally brave enough to open a topic that many in the Christian church believe should be hidden from light.
They believe that no person should suffer these same experiences and that all churches must put in place a process that prevents any form of abuse. They do not believe that this was a case of the normal 'rough and tumble' that exists in all churches and real life experiences that requires one to turn the other cheek. Most experts agree that this kind of abuse equals the pain and long term effects of sexual abuse. There is no doubt in the Christian community what to do in the case of sexual abuse and there should be no doubt about dealing firmly with those who abuse in any other manner, be it pastors, ministers, elders, ministry leaders or lay members.
Do not become an enabler of such evil action by standing to one side and doing nothing while you witness obvious wrongdoing. Please be informed, pray about what you might do, be strong and do not stay silent. Trying to just pray away an abuse problem is not enough. Please remember the famous phrase by Edmund Burke (with some additions) "All It Takes For Evil To Flourish, Is For A Few Good Men (and a few good women, some Journalists and some leading members of the Calgary community) To Do Nothing"
While the Pendergasts now forgive those who set out to abuse them they believe the details of their story must continue to be told as it echoes the stories of similar abuse of so many around the world. We hope the story of recovery will give hope to those who are currently going through a similar experience. Please know you are no longer alone in your grief and pain. Our prayers are that nobody will give up their faith because of sexual, emotional or spiritual abuse by others; and all those who do abuse will be healed of their desire to hurt or control others who reasonably question their behavior.
They hope that those who may be offended or hurt by what is presented on this site will have enough grace to be able to put themselves in the Pendergast's shoes and the courage to communicate their concerns directly with them. They are open to reasonable requests to modify the content where errors have occurred in facts or interpretations of events. They are open to thoughts and suggestions on how to reconcile with their past church family. Their prayer is that whoever takes over the vacant position of senior pastor at South Calgary Community Church will be open to discussions leading to a meaningful reconciliation process.
The Pendergasts are happy to participate in any open, transparent and fair process that examines their own behavior and that of the South Calgary Community Church and North American Baptist Conference leadership, so that valuable lessons might be learnt, shared and future abuse avoided. Burying the problem will not make it go away.
The couple are now fortunately attending another church and have been once again able to share their passion, enthusiasm and spiritual gifts with others. Praise God!.
As time goes by this site will be gradually refined and better organized. Please continue to share your own stories and viewpoints with us. If you need just prayer then let us know. We appreciate news of any links to other sites or articles on this painful subject. We suggest as a starter you visit our resources page and follow the links to other information and the available books on the topic.
We are so appreciative of those that have written or called us as a result of the Holy Terror article in Western Standard )and the article in Christian Week.
The Canadian publication Christian Week also published a story on the claims of abuse and the legal aspects. Click to read more.
From an article by Pastor Steve Martin on " Authoritarianism In The Church" -"Sad to say, but the sheep themselves contribute their own sins to the creation of authoritarian ministries. Having talked with several wounded sheep, it has struck me how seldom they have seen their own culpability. They are quick to foist all blame upon their harsh taskmasters. But petty dictators cannot reign without the consent of their craven lackeys and servile subjects. There are at least three sins which they contribute to the sinful pathology of authoritarian churches." Barry & Jennifer Pendergast identify with this article and especially this sentence. They still find it hard to understand how so many church friends turned on them without question or compassion.
-Spiritual Abuse? Its Time for healing to begin - Read more on this new article from http://christsmandate.blogspot.com
Visit their site and add to the ongoing blog
"Abuse can exist either way; to pastors or from pastors to others. It is described in Scripture, and God plainly hates it - probably more than any other sin" - A quote from John White in the forward to Marc Dupont's wonderful book Toxic Churches.
The question this site poses is when will the church as a whole bring this topic out of the closet for honest and open debate.
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From Cultures of Secrecy & Abuse: A Paradox for the Church by Cara Beed
ABUSE_ act or relatioship which causes hurt to another person.
BULLYING is defined as,-the act of repeatedly and deliberately putting a person under stress.
SECRECY- deep suspicion of secrecy in any of its forms. Churches do not have a greater right to resist public scrutiny than any other group. The urge to keep things quiet, and the desire to avoid scandal at any cost, is a response which does nothing to protect the Church from it happenning again.
WITHOUT MORAL COURAGE TO TELL THE TRUTH, we are in danger of losing the freedom to speak out at all.
For more definitions please go to our Definitions page
"The Pharisees repeatedly criticized him, but he did not shrink back. He confronted not only what was on their lips, but also what was in their hearts. Jesus engaged in five major confrontations that day. Though confrontation is not easy, many times it is necessary. We must learn to handle it with â?œgrace and truthâ?? and not shrink back."
When the Pendergasts refused to shrink back from raising issues of abuse and moral corruption at the church they were not treated with grace & truth but beaten down brutially. How easy it is for any church to have double standards.