updated 9 May 2005

This was the first meeting the Pendergasts were requested to attend after their return from holiday and after having sent their email of the 22nd August 2003 outlining their concerns on the Marriage Ministry. To their disapointment not all the 'players' had been invited and the result was even more confusion. Just confirmed the reasons for the ongoing poor communication mentioned by Dan Taubensee, the Alpha Ministry Leader earlier. The most basic methods of reasonable decision making and allowing all parties to freely express opinions and reach concensus ignored. It seemed to be all about control and power - a highly divisive method of leading that could never lead to good long term results

Seemed sad that only a month earlier the church paid for 20 leaders to go to the Willowcreek Leadership Summit - appeared few understood some of the basic messages on decision making given at the summit.

Notes re Marriage Course Meeting 3rd September 2003

Present:
Pastor Wallace
Pastor Cumberlin
Barry & Jennifer Pendergast
Sue Blackmur

Purpose of meeting to discuss issues and concerns raised by Barry, Jennifer, Sue and Steve in an email of August 22nd. 03. These notes were were written immediately after the meeting.

First off Pastor Marg Cumberlin noted there was an attack from Satan - directed at the program and the Pendergasts - blame pushed onto Satan and not the issues raised about the leadership. Then it was Barry’s problem because he showed a lot of underlying anger in writing the 22nd August letter. Straight out of the gate it was the Pendergast’s problem - not the issues raised in the email.

The Senior Pastor Jim Wallace was 25 minutes late - had more important issues to deal with. This was Jim Wallace's first involvement in discussions re the Marriage Course. He had been invited to earlier planning meetings in August but said he was too busy.

No real explanation why all parties involved in the event leading to August 22 were not at meeting - Bowlers, Walkers, Barton Wallace, Dan Taubensee. Jennifer thought it made the discussion difficult. Jim said it would make meeting too complicated to have all the players involved. In any case Jim claimed he was ‘fact finding’ as the head of the three programs involved. Pendergasts expressed concern that the elders were not involved. The Pendergasts would later find out Pastor Wallace had been talking to the other parties independently.

Pastor Wallace claimed that Kathy Bowler had planned the Marriage Course for the Young Married 18 months before - Jennifer notes thats unlikely because the course was only announced in the Alpha newsletter and available less than a year earlier. The Pendergasts had only been aware a few months earlier about the Young Married’s interest in the course but only to be involved in main program assisting Barry & Jennifer. Pastor Wallace claimed it would be just a one off bible study. This was based on Christian Pubs showing the course under bible studies. The Pendergasts claimed Marg had refused one home group doing this already and felt it was more than just a bible study. Also Pendergasts stated it was not very wise to have all the participants of a similar type - eg newly married and no children. Diversity of couples was essential

Reference made to the possible liaison with Dan Taubensee and the Alpha program on a Sunday night. We could share meal preparation and facilities at the Cedarbrae Community Centre. Jim Wallace noted derisvely Dan must have forgotten about Sunday policy discussed at a staff meeting - nothing interferes with the Sunday evening worship - its a written policy but appears to be only have bee produced that week? Seems a justfication for the Young Marries doing it on a Wednesday and Thursday night. Pendergasts confirmed they were worried that the YM were going to solicit community involvement. Why compete? Why not join in with the main program and help. Seemed the Young Married’s attendance at the Sunday evening service was more important than their marriages.

Barry & Jennifer felt there was a conflict with Pastor Wallace dealing with an issue involving his wife - she definitely pulled rank by overruling a decision made by the Young Married leaders, the Pendergasts and Blackmurs. Barton had been away on holiday.

Pastor Wallace mused maybe nobody should do the course. This made Sue Backmur cry at thought nobody would do course.

Cost for the Young Married was raised as a barrier for them to attend the main Marriage Course program. If they did their own course the Young Married’s they would run with minimal costs with a desert only meal. The Pendergasts objected to this - a full meal was important - if cost was an issue Barry offered to pay to do it properly.

Pastor Cumberlin claimed she did not know about Young Married’s doing course till told by Pendergasts. Seems the responsibility/authority structure at SCCC is in disarray. Pendergasts claimed they were feeling left out of decisions as the directors for course. Wallace said you are not directors just course leaders - felt like a put down.

Pastor Wallace's action destroyed trust between Barry, Jennifer and Pastor Marg Cumberlin -virtual destruction of our relationship with her - Pastor Cumberlin looked under pressure

Pastor Wallace noted the Pendergasts unable to make a community push until Alpha is under way. Pendergasts protested to no avail that a late start could hurt/effect attendance. They are nervous because it will require a lot of advertising to get community involvement the course finished before Christmas. Pendergasts saw no conflict going at same time as Alpha.

After several hours Pastor Wallace said he had spoken to Kathy Bowler a few days before and decided the Young Married’s will not do course separately. There was an obvious and considerable conflict apparent between Pastor Wallace over what Kathy Bowler had said separately to them over the past few days. Pastor Wallace claimed Kathy did not want to cause division and would not do course yet Pastor Cumberlin said she had also spoken to Kathy and she said they would do it - same day different interpretations!. Great confusion! Left Pendergasts puzzled. Hard to know who was telling truth? Pastor Cumberlin looked very downcast. Jennifer said why had we met for 2 grueling hours when Pastor Wallace had already made a decision! Pastor Wallace said he was on a fact finding mission.

Pastor Wallace said the Young Married’s can attend the course Sunday evening’s as long as they do not let down service duties - what's more important?

All agree its a serious communication problem. Barry asks how would we have done things differently!!! No response.

Barry at end of meeting said it was important for he and Pastor Wallace to meet. Obvious there are lots of areas of possible conflict. Pastor Cumberlin agreed a personal meeting would be helpful and necessary. Pastor Wallace asked Barry to arrange the meeting through his assistant.
Several days later Barry wrote to Lynn McNaughton with copies to Pastor Cumberlin requesting a meeting face to face and off the church grounds. Barry never did get a response to the email. Reference to this potential meeting was also made to Pastor Kent Blanton and Dan Taubensee who had both expressed concern that the two meet.

At end of meeting Pastor Wallace noted “I will make a decision on what you can or cannot do....whether the course would run at the Pendergast’s or at the community centre by this Sunday”. Later Wallace would claim it was left to the Pendergasts to make a decision.

Pastor Wallace would later speak several times separately to Sue Blackmur about issues raised in meeting. Pendergasts felt this was unfair and unethical. Sue Blackmur would later recant on this interpretation of when and who would make a decision.

It seemed Pastors Wallace and Cumberlin were more interested in having control and exercising their authority than working cooperatively together.

Overall the Pendergasts felt very unhappy with the way the meeting had gone and that the issues raised in the 22 Aug memo not addressed in a reasonable manner with all parties present. No sense that the leaders share their concerns. Their hearts breaking for couples in trouble not being able to attend. over 20 couples identified at the marriage retreat in March.