Spiritual Abuse = Sexual Abuse ? TRUE

it causes the same hurt, pain and damage as sexual abuse

Spiritual abuse does not happen in isolation - the signs are there. Like a definition then click here?The Pendergasts admit that they saw signs of abuse by pastors and other leaders yet they did nothing until they were targets. They ask for forgiveness from the many they watched, as relative newcomers to the church they witnessed being publically humiliated and abused. There were even more they knew had been abused in more subtle and secret ways - hidden in sermons or by careful inuendo.

Are you just an observer who knows something is wrong yet lacks the courage to ask tough questions? If you witnessed a sexual crime and did nothing you could be termed an accomplice. It is a requirement by law that is you are aware of physical, sexual, child etc. abuse you are oblicated to report it to the correct authorities. Why this is not the case with Spiritual Abuse? Failing to report it allows it to continue and you progress to being an enabler. In the cases at South Calgary the pastors and elders (present and some past) were complicit in their desire to abuse the Pendergasts and others as a way to show their solidarity to Pastor Wallace.

In the Western Standard "Elder Clark Grue says, “Pastor Wallace is a man of integrity and high moral standing. I’ve been at the church seven years and with the board of elders two years; I don’t see an issue with leadership. Neither the pastor nor his wife is a problem." Its hard to believe that a man like Grue would risk his own credibility making a public statement like this knowing all that he does on the record of abuse during Wallaces' reign. Did the two prior reconciliation services not give some clues?

Few at South Calgary Community Church can claim they did not know there were serious problems. They made excuses like:

- There's allways two sides to a story;

- The Pendergasts started the legal battle so it was ok for the church to spend almost $40,000 winning afterall I was told the elders really didn't make a biblical or scriptual error only a procedual error;

- I didn't know the Pendergasts that well - not well enough to consider their request under Matthew 18:15 to meet seriously;

- I trust the elders & pastors implicitly on any issue - they were chosen by God. If they said the Pendergasts must go I support them;

- North American Baptist Conference supported the decision too - they wouldn't support abuse...would they?

- If this happened to me I would leave the church - I couldn't think of challenging the abuse;

- Why didn't the Pendergasts just turn their cheeks to the deliberate abuse - surely thats what the bible says? And all the people prior abused too;

-Why don't the Pendergasts just give up and forgive Wallace and the elders? There's no need for repentance - the elders said they were sorry the first time;

- I wouldn't answer the Pendergasts request to meet under Matthews 18:15 because they were not in the right spiritual frame of mind;

- When Pastor Wallace and my ministry leaders told me the Pendergasts had sued churches previously I assumed it was true. I didn't think it was wrong to pass on the story, not really gossip;

-When Pastor Wallace suggested to members of the congregation that there was "something big" about Barry that we would understand why the Elders had taken the action they had - we believed the pastor! We never did hear what it was but it must have been serious.

- No I haven't called the Pendergasts - I would be too uncomfortable;

- I have heard about the bleatinglambs website but wouldn't visit it nor do I want to see the articles in Christian Week or the Western Standard;

- But South Calgary is a loving church...how could you think otherwise?

If you know somebody at South Calgary Community Church well enough why not challenge why they sat back and allowed the elders and pastors to make announcements without the Pendergasts present to defend themselves? Surely this was the same kind of unfairness the elders and pastors exercised the first time.

Who will help the victims? You can by "whistle blowing" on the perpetrators!

Do you have the required critical thinking skills to understand what is happening? If in doubt find a trusted and respected Christian outside your church environment for advice. Be warned if you choose to fight instead of taking flight things will get much, much worse. See our page on how abusers use smearing tactics to further discredit and isolate you.

If somebody has misteriously 'disappeared' from your church call them - don't be put off with rumour and inuendo. With only a few exceptions nobody from their old church family has called the Pendergasts to this day. Many who they were close to.

Stay informed by reading on the topic. We suggest a number of books on our reference page!

Her is one example from "Healing Spiritul Abuse" - Ken Blue Page 12


Abuse of any type occurs when someone has power over another and uses that power to hurt. Physical abuse means someone exercises physical power over another,causing physical wounds. Sexual abuse means that someone exercises sexual power over another, resulting in sexual wounds. And spiritual abuse happens when a leader with spiritual authority uses that authority to coerce, control or exploit a follower, thus causing spiritual wounds, Ron Enroth explains further “Unlike physical abuse that often results in bruised bodies , spiritual and pastoral abuse leaves scars on the psyche and soul. It is inflicted by persons who are accorded respect an honor in our society by virtue of their role as religious leaders and model of spiritual authority. They base that authority on the Bible, the Word of God. and see themselves as shepherds with a sacred trust, But when they violate that trust, when they abuse their authority and when they misuse ecclesiastical power to control and manipulate the flock, the results can be catastrophic”